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Area Teen With Huge Night Planned On Twitter Looking At All The Recently Cut NFL Players

Local teen can’t stop pleasuring himself as thought of NFL players being cut from their teams

KENMORE, NY – Local teenager Chad Stillman informed friends that his Tuesday night was booked scrolling through twitter and pleasuring himself at all the names of recently cut NFL players.

“A few of my friends wanted to hang out but I can’t. Did you see that Adrian Peterson and Jamaal Charles were recently today?” said an excited Stillman through his bedroom door.

“The Bills could sign all these guys! I don’t see why they can’t re-sign Tyrod, trade for Garrapolo, sign both Peterson and Charles – in case Shady gets hurt and make a run at the division title?”

At press time, Stillman’s mother Beverly was concerned that her son may have to be admitted to a hospital for dehydration if the NFL keeps releasing big name players.

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