“We’ve always wondered how he stays in such great shape and has barely seemed to age, despite the fact that every single thing he’s been involved in has turned to shit. You’d think that would be enough to stress age someone but not Russ. This makes so much sense. He literally sucks the life out of everyone. How could we have missed that before” said Bills and Sabres season ticket holder Andy Lansing.
When asked how this revelation would impact his role with the Bills and Sabres, team owner Terry Pegula did not feel there would need to be a change. ‘Russ has done an amazing job and just because some news outlet has discovered that he’s some blood sucking vampire – why would I make any changes? He’s the perfect guy to turn things around for us. He just needs some time”.