BUFFALO, NY – Bills and Sabres President Russ Brandon expressed gratitude over Thanksgiving at his incomprehensible ability to hold a job for as long as he has without ever having any actual consequences whatsoever.
“It’s a funny thing” said Brandon from the family dinner table. “I hear stories of other people losing their jobs for repeatedly failing to perform or not actually improving on their work but for me. Not only do I not get fired, but I keep getting promoted and more money along the way. It’s crazy!”
With the Bills and Sabres appearing as locks to not make the post season again, Brandon hopes that soon fans will realize just how hard it is to keep teams out of playoffs in leagues designed for parity.
“None of these fans have any idea how hard it is to keep not one but two pro franchises out of the playoffs for as long as I have. NHL or Madden simulated franchises could accidentally make the playoffs at least once. What I have, is a skill that can’t be taught”.